Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I'm bleeding and have questions
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
