Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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