a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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