Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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