Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
