to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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