Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
