Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
