There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
