He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
