You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
