I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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