Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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