Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
