He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
