Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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