I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
