smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
