You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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