It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
