so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
