I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
