is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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