do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
