why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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