I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
there's paper in my vomit.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
