After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
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