i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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