Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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