You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
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