This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
