they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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