allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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