Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
