just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
