ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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