So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
The air was thick with penises
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
