I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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