every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
