Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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