i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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