I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
