there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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