i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
