Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
