Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
