I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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