Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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