no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
