wrigley field is MILF paradise
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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