I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
