Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
