I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Randomize
